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The Cat Copper Pipe and Tabasco Sauce
The Cat, Copper pipe, and Tabasco Sauce
STORY TIME: This is a true story, Peters, the names have not been changed because no one is without sin.
I at one time lived in a house with a cinderblock front porch. The house was built in the 1940’s. My wife owned a cat that decided that the fine dirt under the porch was a good place for her litter box. On certain days the smell was beyond belief. On one unusually bad Friday at work I took off early to start a long weekend. The temp. was around 98 degrees no breeze and the stench oozing from the front porch was terrible. I lost it; the dark side of the force was strong in me at that moment. I went into the house got the 22 magnum Pistol loaded with magnum rat shot and under the house to teach the cat a lesson.
You may think you know what is about to happen but you don’t have a clue. I still don’t know how the cat was getting under the enclosed porch. As I crawled on all threes in order to keep the pistol out of the 60-year-old fine black dust like dirt the porch was coming into sight. The cat made a break for the broken vent 30’ away in order to escape my wrath. I trailed her with the pistol while resting on my elbows and fired 5 shots. Always kept the pistol on an empty cylinder thank god I only had 5 rounds. The cat disappeared through the vent hole seeming untouched. The carnage that remained was out of this world.
The copper plumbing pipe was hit in two places and looked like a sprinkler system. There were three red bricks that was damaged light was shinning through. The firing of the pistol raised the dust up to a kind of fog and the water made sure it covered everything completely including me. My first though was how did rat shot cause this kind of damage. The second thought was damage control. I crawled out and went to the water cut off valve installed by the county by the edge of the road. The valve needed a secret special county only wrench key. After around 30 min. of trying, a crowbar and vice grip was a suitable replacement to close the valve. I then had time to check the pistol, it was 22 magnum bullets not rat shot. Had an intruder in the neighborhood earlier in the year and I forgot I made the change.
I made an assessment of the damage and decided I needed to fix the plumbing to hide my dastardly deed before my wife got home. The small propane torch should be just the thing for un-sweating the pipe. Lit the torch held it on the pipe wide open for 2 or 3 minutes to no avail. In my highly madden state I gathered several bricks and rocks together propped up the torch and let it eat, while I had a smoke (quit 8 yrs ago). I then checked the pipe it was still solid. I then called my father in law asking advice. He informed me that you could not melt solder with water in the line. I would have to cut the pipe and take out the damaged section. Not a problem. Yea right.
The pipe was under strain because the plumbing straps held it tight to the floor joist. The pipe cutter I had fit in between the floor joist and worked like a champ. After around 5 or 6 turns with the cutter the pipe sprung down into the sleeve of my long sleeve shirt. It poured that super heated water from my wrist to my elbow. When I recoiled from the heat, my head went into the nails jutting down from the floor joist ripping my scalp. At this point in time I could have led the Charlie Mansion Family. I also had lost track of time.
While I was in the house loading the 20 gauge three inch magnum shot gun with # 4 three inch magnums my wife walked in. I informed her of the cat’s situation, and my desire to turn the cat inside out with this shotgun. Also the lack of water. She looked at me in horror and said I needed to go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I scared myself; you could only see my eyes. My face was caked ¼ inch deep with solid black dust, except for the bright red blood streaks on each side of my head that had drained down from my scalp and my shirt was soaked with blood. She thought I was out of my mind, she was right. I checked my arm and the shirtsleeve was tight and my wife had to help me unbutton it. I had a ½” high blister 2” wide from my wrist to my elbow full of water.
I at this point in time I decided that the cat had learned its lesson.
To wind this story up my wife caught the cat and took it to her fathers. I did replace the damaged plumbing after gathering more information. I covered it with the black foam sections of insulation to protect from freezing. The next winter I got up one morning and there was no water. The dogs had chewed all the Insulation off the pipes. I replaced it, poured Tabasco sauce on the new insulation and in the dog’s mouth. I moved a few years later and a far as I know the insulation is still good.
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The Cat Copper Pipe and Tabasco Sauce
Hardwood
That is another cat story I'll save for later. Fan belt pully.
Peters
I told a untrue story(fairy tale)about the american indians a while back and you took it to heart. Just trying to clear the air and have a little fun. Everyone likes to see their name in print.
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06-21-2006, 18:29 
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